engagement · life · work

changes

It’s already the end of November. Wow, January didn’t feel like it was that long ago. The beginning of the year brought me much pain. I have never really liked the beginning of the years. In fact, they make me quite anxious.

Anyway, it’s about a month before my brother’s wedding. About two more weeks before my friend’s. About a month before the meminang date and, if all goes well, about two months before my planned tunang ceremony.

Then my house will get renovated and I might have to resort to bathing at work oh god can I do it somewhere on the fifth floor toilet, man I don’t know. Or maybe, I can bathe in the masjid that’s on the way to my workplace hahahha. Oh dear god. Please help. I am actually seriously considering to rent somewhere with a nice toilet for a month or two. Okay okay, don’t panic yet. Okay sorry got distracted; started searching for houses to rent. I can’t imagine being without long showers 😦

Anyways, I have been having second thoughts about my outfit for my tunang. Initially I wanted to just buy something off the rack to wear. But then I always had doubts on whether the dress I got is OK. Like, I’ve tried wearing it and walking around in it. Something about it doesn’t feel right (well, namely because it actually doesn’t fit right haha). And you know, my mother is a seamstress. I initially didn’t want to trouble her to sew for me anything (I haven’t asked her to sew for me anything for two years now) because I thought she might be too tired from preparing for my brother’s wedding and in the aftermath. She recently injured her shoulder also, and as it is, I feel guilty for not being able to be home to help her out with chores and then coming home tired and not feeling like I want to.

Then somehow hati ni tergerak to just ask her if she can sew something for the tunang. And immediately she said yes. I was quite surprised haha because I wasn’t expecting it. I was expecting her to say her arms are tired and in pain and whatnot.

I know I am trying to keep to a budget but honestly, if my mom sews for me my tunang outfit, that’s priceless. We are not a rich family with no inheritance money to pass down the generations, so to me, the most priceless ‘jewels’ from my mother that I will keep and treasure for as long as I live, are all the clothes she has sewn for herself and for me. I will hold on to them for as long as I can, even when the fabric shrinks, even when it gets old and yellow, even when it starts to smell musty.

Oh man, it would mean the world to me if my mother sews for me the outfit I will wear to some of the most important occasions in my life.

Then I guess, changes to the plan is a good thing eh.

But now, nak cari kain. Nak cari kain…. nak cari kain…

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