engagement · life · Wedding

#abangnakkahwin & #akunaktunang

So…. my brother is getting married today. The nikah that is, later this afternoon.

Yesterday, I went over to my future SIL’s place for her henna session and sibuk-sibuk around her place. Her mom reminds me of my mom hahaha as in the demeanour. Age and upbringing obviously different but she’s really like Mama hahaha. Alhamdulillah, thank goodness my brother found a mother-in-law like that. I remember my mom telling me that she always prays for us to get kind mothers-in-law, so after she met my brother’s and mine insyaAllah, she said half her worries are gone. (Half because she has 3 more children to go hahaha). My boyfriend’s mom also reminds me of my mom.

Anyways, I feel like I am juggling two things at once, because this weekend is my brother’s wedding and in the next few months is my meminang/tunang.

So apparently while I was away, seems like word is out that I am getting engaged next year (both at home base, and at my SIL’s place). Now I totally understand why my two friends before me were keeping everything under wraps until one or two weeks before they were going to tell us they were getting engaged.

Because there’s just something about saying you’re getting engaged that awakens the ugly heads of minah kahwin-kahwins.

I mean, OK, I also don’t exactly publicise the fact that I am getting engaged. In Islam, it is advisable that you (1) downplay your engagement but (2) publicise your wedding. OK maybe I am not using the right verbs, but basically, it is to prevent things like this la.

It’s not a competition guys. It is rezeki masing-masing. When you all were running around with your boyfriends all over town from when you were 15 all the way till your early 20’s, did I act like as if it was a competition for me?

I could rear my ugly head and be calculative and say things like, “Eh I am clever, I went to independent schools, I went to NUS, I have a degree, why am I not the one with a boyfriend (like that/her)?” or I could say “Eh I am svelte (not too skinny like jerangkung, not too fat like badak), I am tall and lean, I have big eyes and sweet smile (ok la not really)), why am I not the one with a boyfriend (like that/her)?” or like “I am a university graduate, with a good job, I deserve that lawyer/doctor boyfriend, not her!”

Astaghfirullahalazim. Mengucap okay. As I am typing that, yes, I am human, yes I think about these things but I KNOW at the end of the day, it is rezeki. And whoever Allah swt chooses for us, whenever he chooses it for us, it fits the bill for us the best, and some of these things we will only ever know in hindsight.

It’s like this, I am considering this really good photog+video combo deal that will expire at the end of this month. It honestly is really good and all. But does it fit my needs? Do I really need it?

So it’s like, yes I guess if I put in more effort I could snag a lawyer/doctor/footballer/actor/singer boyfriend, but will his lifestyle/work schedule fit my needs? Will I be able to deal with everything else that comes with him? Knowing the kind of person I am (only after being with my boyfriend), now I know I can’t.

So yes guys, it is rezeki. And no, I am not rubbing it in anyone’s face that I am getting engaged soon. Instead, I pray that you will receive the one for you when the time is right for you, and I pray that Allah swt eases your affairs when you already pasang niat, may He make it a smooth journey for you.

I can tell you I am getting engaged, and your idea of it is like everything is going well for me. Well no, it is not. Maybe it’s just me, because everything Allah swt has put me through, everything I went through in life, is always wrought with SO MANY CHALLENGES that only He knows what I am going through (yalah, cos He planned for it what, sometimes I think He is very ironic, and I get my black humour from all the ironies He throws at me.)  So this is no different.

So girls, no. This is not a competition. Don’t launch into some tirade or rant or trying to overshadow someone else when they say they are getting engaged/married. Just have faith that it will work out for you too. But first, you need to change that attitude. Because sometimes, we are being denied of what our hearts desires the most, because He wants us to change some things about ourselves first before He lets us have it.

Maybe we do some muhasabah diri, some self-reflection. I am not the most positive person around, but I really just let things be. Honestly, more people should be like me man. Yes let it be, because it has got nothing to do with you hahaha.


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