life · marriage · Wedding

macam malas tapi perlu

Meeting the potential videographer tonight. Macam malas nak jumpa orang haha. Macam malas nak plan kahwin. Sekarang ni macam malas nak buat kerja jugak. Macam-macam je perangai.

Actually, tak susah pun eh nak kahwin. Memang lah manusia yang complicate matters. but then, I guess can see the “lesson to be learnt” when we do what we do.

For example, planning a wedding (not just a nikah). When we plan a wedding with our other half, we get to know things about them we normally won’t especially if you meet your partner post full-time education. So kirakan planning a wedding macam project work la gitu.

We get to know if they are responsible when it comes to getting things done, how they manage problems with vendors and get around it. 

If they are actually quite cerewet (when they say they are not… like Mr. I… because I myself thought he is quite go with the flow, but after a while, in certain very specific situations, the cerewetness comes out and actually me, the high-strung one, is more adaptable go with the flow than he is).

What their mindset is when it comes to spending money (boros ke, kedekut nak mampus ke, let the woman manage the finances ke, perempuan pisau cukur nak kikis harta kau sampai licin ke…)

See how they manage people’s feelings — partner’s, parents’, family members with good intentions, family members with bad intentions, how they treat the people around them, how important it is to them to make their parents happy…

Personally, since I have NEVER been in a relationship with any guy before Mr. I (I only have 2 male Chinese friends who are constant in my life since 10 years ago), I take this period as my learning lesson on how to deal with guys. Unfortunately, my male Chinese friends don’t count cos I treat them like my brothers, aka I bully them and tease them, but no one better don’t insult them or hurt them eh. And also these 2 boys are very atypical boys, so honestly I am not attuned to the behaviours of a typical Male.

Tbh, Mr. I is also not a typical Male. The “typical Male” is usually the guys I meet when they become my friends’ boyfriends (and then ex-es, for a good reason hahaha). The kind of inflated Male ego, the showy-offy, the douchebaggery, the go to great lengths I will sacrifice anything for you but you better do the same for me, the ones who are berkira with your value to them, and much, much worse. (Also another reason WHY I didn’t bother with trying to find anyone; my relationship with Mr. I just happened haha).

Anyways, through Mr. I (and his never-ending groups of friends), I also get to know these “typical Male” behaviours, and my (negative) assumptions are almost always correct. I mean, bukan semua jahat lah, just tak baik only hahaha. It’s just… there are certain behaviours that make my skin crawl, and sumpah, if I didn’t meet Mr. I, I would have settled happily with being a spinster.

So I guess actually last time I macam malas to find a partner because macam malas to deal with people. But life on this earth is with people, and people are created so we can learn something from them.

So, macam malas tapi perlu buat jugak hahaha. Macam nak jumpa videographer. Sesungguhnya, I am not putting much importance on this guy/company and am setting very low expectations lah because I don’t see it as very essential but I thought for the price and what they offer, okay lah not bad. Try je, and give them exposure cos new upstart and all. Tolong menolong.



This is regarding the duit hantaran shebang. Yes duit hantaran is not wajib. And yes, it is customary. Yes, my parents want duit hantaran and yes, Mr. I was apprehensive about it being too high. And YES, there was a freaking hoo-ha about the hantaran and the “perceived” scale of the majlis on Mr. I’s side, courtesy of his non-existent but last minute want to selit father, and his very opinionated SIL (both of who, in the hierarchy of things, have the least to do with our wedding but instead shout the loudest, like freaking dictators). Right at the start, I learnt about the kinds of people I am dealing with, and have to deal with in the future. I am a strategist, so all these info I gather about them will be useful.

I also observed Mr. I’s evolution in his mentality regarding the duit hantaran. The very initial reason for providing the duit hantaran to the girl back in the older days, is so that the guy bears the cost of the majlis for the girl. In today’s world, a couple of the same age will typically see the girl start earning first, so naturally she will have more savings and might have to pay more for the majlis at the start. In sha Allah, the duit hantaran he provides me is to “cover” me back for the upfront payments I have paid purely for the logical reason that I have started earning earlier and thus saved more than him. It will also be a sort of guarantee for us that we will not start our wedded life in debt OR broke. From being very apprehensive about being able to provide this amount, he has since grown to understand the rationale and logic of the situation and has mentioned he will strive his very best to provide this (and more) for me every time he is facing a hard day at work. I don’t know about you, but hearing that has got to be one of the sweetest things a guy has said he will do for me. (Tbh, Mr. I is the only person who has and will (iA) ever say the sweetest things to me hehe).

So yes, PERSETAN sama apa orang nak cakap pasal duit hantaran, no matter who they are.


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