life · marriage

relationships

Interrupting the wedding updates with someone not wedding-related, but I guess related to relationships in general?

Recently Mr. I finally went for his first round of reservist after donkey years. He was telling me that he was one of the oldest people in his group because the lot of guys were in their early 20’s. Of course it never would’ve crossed my mind that he would ever meet/befriend/interact with this guy that I sumpah would never ever want to see again.

You see, I was never in a relationship before Mr. I. Dating-dating pun I never, kenal-kenal guys also I sumpah takde (beyond chatting on the computer behind a screen, that is, but I never went to seek out male companions). Being in a girls school, I also (a) never saw the point, (b) dunno where to find male friends. I only have a grand total of TWO male friends in my entire life, and my definition of “friends” is very narrow (ie, super tight, can talk about anything, tell anything, susah senang bersama, berbual takde filter tell it as it is), and these two boys were from my JC class. In a way, Mr. I is lucky because he does not need to deal with any ex-es.

And then Mr. I just happens to end up being in the same reservist group as this guy who is my friend’s ex.

Citenye cenggini kengkawan. Friend and I met this guy, let’s call him Douche, at some school event. Douche somehow befriends and gets real close to Friend, Douche and Friend end up dating. Throughout all this, I have always found Douche very insufferable and I made this quite known to Friend, because for some reason Douche just manages to find some way to bug the hell out of me. Nasib baik tak putus kawan pasal si Douche ni please.

I always thought there was something super fishy about Douche, well I dunno, cos he keeps popping up EVERYWHERE we go. I hung out with Friend quite a lot at this period of time cos we were in the same classes/CCA, had same group of friends etc so whenever we were out, somehow at some point in time during the day, Douche’s face pops out of, I SWEAR TO GOD, literally, nowhere. He just pops out. There was once we took a stroll on Christmas eve’s week at Orchard to celebrate the birthdays of 3 girls in our group. Towards the end of the night, as we were heading back to the MRT, we were somehow walking in 1 straight line, I was at the back with another friend, and suddenly we see Douche’s head floating about in the corner of our eye. Then as he passed 4 other friends to get to Friend, who was at the front of the line, I could see the shocked faces with a look of “what the shit” and “what the fuck” plastered on ALL of my friends’ faces as their heads slowly turned to greet the sight of Douche’s face. It was fucking hilarious tbh.

Not to mention, he was around on the night of our JC prom night… which was seriously creepy now that I think about it. (Because he’s much older and didn’t go to the same school as us, duh.) We were all sitting around waiting for a friend’s parent to pick us up, then he somehow joined our group. I was sitting alone in a corner and minding my own business, but throughout this waiting period, Douche kept going “Oh, look at her. She’s sitting in the corner. She doesn’t want to talk to us. Why so quiet? Got nothing to say is it? HA HA HA. No one wants to talk to her. Sshhh, everyone don’t disturb her, she’s emoing all alone.” I just looked at him and gave a “fuck off” look, which is typically my main reaction to everything he says and does tbh.

(Sorry ah I very vulgar in this post haha. My friends have advised me to let it go. But I think I just want to talk about my side of this for the final time before I let it go forrealz.)

That relationship soon goes to shits (no surprises there) but not without Douche making it real hard on Friend towards the end, and also, this I cannot forgive, Douche was giving Friend a really hard time during her ‘A’ Levels. Aku paling PANTANG NENEK MOYANG AKU jantan kebret kacau pompan masa tengah exams ok. I didn’t know this until a few months after exams ended, cos Friend didn’t tell me but I knew something was up so I just tried to be a good friend to her but tak campur her hal lain-lain.

After Douche breaks up with Friend, he then (tried to) asked everyone in our group out on a date, except for… surprise surprise, ME! hahahaha AKU LAGI TAK HENGEN. Kalaulah tinggal kau seekor saja jantan dalam dunia ini, dan aku diberi tanggungjawab untuk mempopulasikan kembali dunia ini, aku lagi rela bunuh kau dengan penghukuman penyulaan muahahaha. #brutalrabak Serious, nampak muka dia je pun aku macam nak muntah darah. Apatah lagi bila dia bukak mulut and bersuara. Astaghfirullah, part tu kau dah boleh mengucap, untuk dia! Tunggu cakap “Sila Meninggal” je seh.

Anyway, this whole blogpost bukan suka-suka hati nak berbual tak baik about someone. Dah 10 tahun, you think I want to think about someone I hate for that long meh, what more drag him up again, even if it is just to tell you about the many times I kelentong and talk smack to his fuckboi ass.

It was something that Douche said to Mr. I a few weeks back that made me want to grate his cicak kobing face against a cheese grater. Douche stalked everyone in his reservist group on FB and instagram. Mr. I added him on FB but I made sure I deleted him from his IG lulz. Then one fine day, Douche slides into Mr. I’s Whatsapp and wishes him happy birthday in the first line, and then, second line – WHAM! Douche drops the shit on me.

“Happy birthday dude. Eh I didnt know you were K’s tunang. What a small world. I used to date K’s Friend. We used to not get along. She feisty. You are a strong man.”

LOL fuck off.

Firstly, dah SEPULUH TAHUN BERLALU eh boy. Move on. Mengucaplah. Tak payah bitch pasal orang lagi lah. Aku sebenarnya dah lupa pun yang kau tu masih wujud.

Secondly, I get along with others fine. I just can’t be arsed to entertain douchebags.

Thirdly, aku feisty ke, aku tak friendly kat kau ke, apa aku kisah? The aim of my life on earth is not to eternally please you or be in your favour eh. Tolong jangan step sangat.

Fourthly, what are you insinuating — that Mr. I has to tahan my “feistiness”? That’s why he’s strong? Well, how about I put this as simply as I can.

Mr. I is NOT a douchebag. As a Non-Douchebag, he doesn’t need to deal with anything, you, the Douche, had to.

Fourthly part II, what has “strength” got to do with this? Is Mr. I supposed to “control” me in our relationship? Do I need “controlling”? Does he need to show his “power” over me?

Lastly, it’s so sad that even after a wife and three kids, you still find the need to think about how someone you just met is “exerting” his “power”/”strength” over someone in your past that you never seemed to be able to have enough “power” to bullshit.

OK dah. I have said my peace.

Lessons learnt:

  • Always have open communication with your partner about problematic people in your life. Mr. I tells me everything about everyone he meets, so he was the one who brought up Douche initially and, you know me, if you open the door to despicable memories in my mind – be ready for an infodump on unsavoury stories I have collected and archived in the recesses of my mind. Also, because we are open about telling each other everything like a pair of makciks best friends, Mr. I doesn’t get the wrong idea about any potentially unsavoury story about me. (Especially important if you, like me, somehow easily make more enemies than friends without even trying.)
  • Don’t be like Douche. Don’t expect everyone to want to be your friend, don’t expect everyone to get along well with you and please, move on. It’s not always about control, and definitely, it’s not always about you.
  • Be like my friends – they listened to me rant and curse, but they didn’t feed my rage AT ALL. It’s really the best way to show to yourself and the Douche in question that he is not worth anyone’s time.
  • Ruining your education or friendship over (fuck)boys are not worth it.
  • On a related note, stick with your friend if you think she is in an unhealthy relationship but just don’t be too involved in her relationship matters. You never know when you will need each other.
  • There’s no such thing as “control”, “strength”, “status” or “power” in an healthy relationship. Yes, the husband has his status as a husband in Islam, but so does a wife. It is a teamwork effort. I just pity you if you still don’t get this.

And that, my friends, is the end of the rant. Ya Allah jauhkanlah orang-orang terkutuk macam ini dari hidup aku dan orang-orang yang aku sayangi. Lindungilah kami dari perbuatan dan perkataan buruk mereka yang berniat jahat.

Insya Allah next post I will get back to the normal schedule wedding-related stuff haha. Till next time!

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